he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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