Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
