I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
