It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
