so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
