Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
