I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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