about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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