she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
