Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
