he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I am morally bankrupt
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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