so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
