I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
