he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Barsexuality is the new black.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
