What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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