Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
