I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
