Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
