my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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