my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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