All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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