How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As shirtless as possible
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
