My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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