when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
