Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
