I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
