I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
