I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
