I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
