I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize