I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
