does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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