I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
