you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
