I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
