I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
