By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
