Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
