I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
