Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize