did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
