Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
