Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
