Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
