i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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