Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
