chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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