My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
