someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
