I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
