And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
