Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
