i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
