I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
