A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
