i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
