i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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