absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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